My Poetic exclamations and other expressions



J. Kinison

J. Kinison
Oh the time that has passed
I kinda want to say “Holy Crap!”
It’s good to see you up there man!
it wasn’t always easy for you and your fam
I hope you’re getting paid too, damn
and no, I never forgot your name
not since the night I took the blame
that stuff you made, the Talkies
I like it, damn you’re funny!
I never sweated the small things
Kinda crazy, and now you know
what it’s like to be a hero
If I read it right, you had my back
man, I want to thank you for that
don’t hesitate if you ever need a hand
glad to see how far you’ve come
all that working looks more like fun
and let’s not talk about that other stuff
I am happy for you, and all your success
and that you’ve made it working your interest
a tip of the hat to you, sir
I hope it’s all kind of a blur
and really, how small a world
But, anyway, thanks for everything
glad to see you’re still up-and-coming
and all of the recurring themes
and Honor is indeed, a virtue

P.S.- Turd

It Was, Always…

It Was, Always
I know I had said I would always love you
But I can’t look at you now as I did then
but trust love is there, it just can’t show through
I love to see you smile, but ache because it’s them

Call me selfish, call me dumb, call me foolish, at least I’m not numb
I put my faith in someone, believed it was true
silly to believe that it wasn’t a dream, it was you
I’m selfish to give, dumb for love, this fool knows what’s done, can’t be undone

I am not fake when you see me smiling
I am happy, a choice I have made
but there’s a dark hope I am secretly hiding
that it will fall apart, your sweet smile unmade

Call me selfish, call me dumb, call me foolish, at least I’m not numb
I want to see it crumble, but not to cause you pain
but if I look into your eyes, I don’t want to see their name
I’m selfish to want, dumb for love, this fool knows that love shines like the Sun

I am still me, and I wish you the best
you get my smile and genuine compliments
despite myself, and love’s tattered remnants
I have what it takes to pass this test

Call me selfish, call me dumb, call me foolish, at least I’m not numb
I want to bask in your light, but won’t cause myself pain
that is why, you may have noticed, things aren’t the same
I’m selfish, I hurt, dumb for love, this fool’s heartstrings were strummed

please keep smiling, your fun and games
I used a word once, it wasn’t a play
I described a feeling, one that stays
here it is again, it is, it was, Always…


You didn't know what seeds you had sown
when you raised your hand to me
what could have been, but this fire within
wouldn't go out by getting beat
a simple punishment, without admonishment
never the face where everyone would see
without inhibition, past the prohibition
your will, will never be me
without you I rise, and look to the skies
my silence means that I'm free
the future will bring, as I unfurl my wings
a battle cry screamed angelically
wings beating with might, I take to my flight
Untouchable, I soar out of reach
The world is my oyster, old burdens unfoisted
I am loved, a gift felt deeply
ecstatic to discover, and fully uncover
the extent of all my abilities
I'm happy to help, the desire is felt
collaboration, whispered sweetly
felt in the spirit, somehow you hear it
from afar, I'm drawn by your tease
though you abuse, you're still my muse
some wounds never heal completely
first time since birth, I know my worth
cured myself of self-love diseases
with love I speak, I hold my own leash
Untouchable, you never will hurt me
I try to discuss, I don't tell you enough
how much I appreciate your beauty
it seems so absurd, with how often you've heard
"Oh Honey you're simply amazing!"
some fragments remain, now I must retrain
I'm a King, though you see right through me
some interior mess impedes my progress
my Self is difficult in the breaking
you really are the most brilliant of stars
though you are lost in the sun daily
no hurt when you're happy, joy that you're laughing
I am nailed to a cross of my own making
I feel so I live, my broken smile I give
Untouchable, so please, will you touch me?

Virtuous Love

Virtuous Love
Do not go for looks my friend, they pass like beautiful Spring
when looking for love, your eyes can’t see a thing
if you go for money, understand what is bought
and know a passing want from what is forever sought
easy come is easy go, you must know your worth
if you can put a price on love, tell me, what’s the value of Earth?
if you choose the warrior’s path of honor and sacrifice
remember, the price is often high, a noble but lonely life
One is a soldier, while the other is the good husband or wife
if they are seduced by endeavors of the mind, and you, sexy intellect
you will often be left bereft, their first love left you second best
love the work, and learn to know the meaning of respect
time can thieve the brightest mind, and simple replaces complex
if you pursue a heart that’s true, the kind that lasts awhile
then you will know the value, my friend, of a daily smile
you can’t replace a smiling face to get you through life’s trials
if you can find the right kind, all these virtues that are classy
make your bet, you wont regret a life spent together laughing
in the end, what matters my friend, is that love makes you happy


I had to ask, only lookin for a maybe
a super-fine lady, if she would date me
even though she had me seein’ double
she had that Gem-in-the-eye trouble
playin’ with my weakness
when she asked, “Oh you wanna freak this?”
I said, “ain’t nobody viceless,”
she said, “my love is priceless!”
“I ain’t tryin to afford ya,”
I told her, “I just wanna support ya”
“Come back,” she said with a grin,
“when you’re all grown up and out of your playpen!”
“Oh,” I said to Miss Thing
“if I ain’t good enough for ya now, I ain’t good enough then”
“And I think it should be worth a mention,”
“That you already have me payin’ attention”
I hoped she would see the feeling
behind my unintentional double meaning
and then she made me weak in the knees
when she smiled and said to me,
“I don’t need your money, honey, I got my own stuff to do,”
“but you’re cute and kinda funny, what else can I expect from you?”
weak in my knees, and with quivering thighs
I somewhat recovered from my surprise
and spat out words like she wasn’t a girl
and pretended she wouldn’t rock my world
I drew in my breath,
coughed to the left, and said,
“I like a little mystery, but don’t want ya to lie to me,”
“I’d be there till the end, because first, I’d be your friend,”
“try to do what pleases, and when needed, pick up the pieces,”
“to never contain you or explain you,”
“but to love you, who you are, and what you do.”
“Those are things you can expect from me,”
“so tell me girl, What can I expect from you?”
I swallowed, and marveled at my own hubris
stopped the voice that said, “don’t do this!”
“your words make you sound like a hell of a guy,”
she said, with a smile on the sly, and a gleam in her eye,
“I want to keep some mystery, if you’re willing to try,”
“You gave your truth to me, so I give you this reply…”

Reasons Why

Reasons Why
how you would hold my hand when we walk
how you’re not afraid to say what you feel when we talk
how you squeeze my hand when I say something you like
how you give it your all, because there is no “try”
it isn’t any single thing you do
the way you look, or or a single thought
it’s a forever thing that can’t be bought
there’s a million reasons why I love you
when my day brightens from your stellar smile
when your “I love you” keeps me inspired
when struggle only strengthens your resolve
when laughter slowly breaks down your walls
it’s the things you refuse to do
not the clothes you wear, or your beautiful prose
it’s how I’d feel with your head on my chest, cuddling close
there’s a million reasons for me to love you
who you are when the world is watching
who you listen to when everyone’s talking
who you see when you’re looking at me
who I am and who you wish me to be
it’s all the things, big and small, you do
it’s how I feel when I think of you
it’s holding on to love that’s true
You are why, the only reason I need, to love you

No Regret


I hate Cancer. It seems a simple statement, but I have many reasons. For the lives it takes, both directly, and indirectly, for the time spent, and the intonations on our modern life. But most of all, I hate cancer because it took my mother. Not the first time, the first time she beat it. She won, went to the winners circle. It wasn’t an easy victory, cost her a breast, and a lot of time, pain, and suffering, but she beat it. Or so we thought.

I had a broken heel. I had fallen, and broke it. My mother got diagnosed with cancer. i started being able to walk and drive just in the nick of time, as her chemotherapy was beating her down. she had been driving me to college, because of my heel, and then we traded jobs, and I drove my mom to her chemo. Every day we did this, monday through friday, my job was to drive to school, get done with it, and drive her to her chemo appointments when she had them weekly, and anywhere else she needed to be. I finished my degree this way, the last class I needed took me almost a year to complete, and with another school taking me for 1 quarter, and a lot of help from my instructors, I finished it on crutches. My mother got through her chemotherapy with total remission. I had even stolen, yes stolen, a computer game from my work for my mother. Bejeweled. If anyone knows the game, they may have heard that the 2nd version and each after had an “endless” option, strictly because of the number of chemo patients that enjoyed the game so much. I did put the $9.99 (a ten-spot really) in my till on my next paycheck, but I doubt anyone noticed. She loved that game, and I still remember the time I forgot to stop playing in time, and I beat her high score. We had all kept from saving any game that had a higher score, so she was always at the top of the list. I beat it, and I have never felt so terrible for doing well at anything in my life. I never want the high score again, it lost its meaning for me, in any video game. But, my mother made it, she fought, and in round 3 of her chemotherapy, she won. She fought and won. We didn’t know about the rematch.

I had started a new job. My sister had got married, and my mother was able to spend time with her grandson, all dreams of hers to live. She got to do them. She always wanted me to be married, but that wasn’t her dream, it was mine, and she never knew about what I looked for in love, and, quite factually, was the worst matchmaker for me. but she always tried. Though, I wish she would have stayed out of that part of my life, her meddling has had some very long reaching consequences. My first love has always been the truth. My mother never understood that very well. I digress, she was a very loving and caring person, and almost, just almost, a stifling mother. She had her own physical recovery program, she cleaned the 2 horse stalls, and did the daily work of caring and cleaning a 2200 square foot home, and the 5 acres surrounding it. There were chickens, and of course, horses, one of her lifelong loves. Then, as summer neared its end, she began to have backaches, small at first, we thought she was overdoing it on the stall cleaning, which was likely partly true, but that was not all. there was a monster lurking, and it was lurking in her bones.

The technical details are less important to know, but my mother’s breast cancer had metastasized to her bones. Bone lesions were the cause of her back pain. her vertebrae were ulcerous. The pain must have been terrible, yet she always wore that smile. I was working in Seattle, at an escrow firm that had a family friend as an employee, and I had hoped to continue my plan of finishing my hard science degree, with the computer science minor, with the idea of doing simulations and modeling. Seattle University at the time was one of the few schools that had that kind of program, at least nearby. My sister was doing well at her government career, and her husband, bless him, was doing well also. My brother was having all sorts of adventures, as he is prone to do. He still is, and likely always will. It was not what she had always wanted, but she had a grandchild, her only daughter was happily married and had a great career, her oldest son was doing what he wanted, her husband still had a successful business, and I, I was doing something, something she could understand. And then, we got the news, this was likely to take her life. It struck our family hard, she had always been the glue in our family, the person who held it together. We rallied. I got half days at work, my sister and her husband got time off, my brother and my dad were working together at the construction business and so had schedule flexibility, and we took care of her. At the home we had all helped build, that she had done most of the design of, and she had always said she wanted to live out her life in. We got hospice care to help, the chemo wasn’t doing well. We got painkillers, she hurt. We had one last Christmas, her favorite holiday, in her home, as a family. And then the countdown began. She deteriorated fast after that, going from cheery and active, to slow, sleepy, and soon bedridden. Always, she smiled, and had a laugh, even when she could hardly talk. By the end of January, her birthday, she was almost gone. We were all there, when the night came, i woke up from a dead sleep, so did my brother, and dad. My sister we got out of the shower, and even my Brother-in-arms (better than in law, the law has no strength like the bonds between those who have shared what we have) was aware of it; she was dying, RIGHT NOW. We gathered, we all stood at her bedside, and we touched her, told her we loved her, i rubbed her feet, and then, she was gone. We heard her breathe her last breath, and in that moment, her body died. I remember the exact moment, because i looked at the clock, twice. 8:32 pm. We even had a 3-legged black lab that went out to sleep outside, a week before, as was his custom, and mysteriously died, and thank you to my sister’s husband for burying him when none of us had the strength.

I didn’t recover mentally very quickly, none of us did. i lost my job. My sister took on her sadness in her usual custom, she screamed at the wind, went on 2 3-day walks, and raised money for cancer research. My brother took it better, but he changed his life too. My dad lost his company, for many reasons, and it took him much longer to recover, and still is in some ways. I, I have not finished, I know too much now, I will never recover. That is a good thing, as I am changed, the family secrets, the secrets of my mother, father, even my sister and brother. The lies are not as strong as the family ties. For me, the recovery is, and must be, different. there is no drug for my issues, there is no pill, no therapy, no counseling for me. This is the price I pay, for whom I be. But, I will always remember, my mother, the lovely lady, the mother hen, the mother bear. She was there to fight, to lie, to protect her children. She believed in family above all else. She believed in Love. That was her final gift to me.

Thank you Mom, you gave me something else to believe. When too few do, I will always love the truth. And I believe, just like you, that Love is true.

P.S. – because of some fallout from this post, I am clarifying some details. I took a game with a retail price of $9.99. Upon my next check, I bought 3 games of the same price, at employee discount price, which was $3.33. I then paid $20.00. for anyone else who wishes to call me a thief, all I can say is this: I have stolen, but I am not a thief. This posting has as much to do with emotional trauma causing a lapse in judgement, as well as other issues. I stole, and I repaid. I also later bought more games, and had a discussion about it with my manager. This post isn’t a complete dissertation on my lapse of judgement regarding stealing. It is about my mother’s cancer. Any employers who read this, stop making analysis of written material your raison d’ete. My manager and employer at the time kept me on for another 6 months, with no reprisals. I left only after I had another job, and had given 30 days notice. I skimmed over the details because this posting isn’t about that. Thank you all for reminding me how disgusting corporate greed can be, and for reminding me that when you have an employer who cares, there is a huge difference from those who don’t. SMH… AB

The Road Not Taken

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 

Robert Frost

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

                          Do not go gentle into that good night 

Old age should burn and rage at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

– Dylan Thomas

Blog at

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: