My Poetic exclamations and other expressions




You didn't know what seeds you had sown
when you raised your hand to me
what could have been, but this fire within
wouldn't go out by getting beat
a simple punishment, without admonishment
never the face where everyone would see
without inhibition, past the prohibition
your will, will never be me
without you I rise, and look to the skies
my silence means that I'm free
the future will bring, as I unfurl my wings
a battle cry screamed angelically
wings beating with might, I take to my flight
Untouchable, I soar out of reach
The world is my oyster, old burdens unfoisted
I am loved, a gift felt deeply
ecstatic to discover, and fully uncover
the extent of all my abilities
I'm happy to help, the desire is felt
collaboration, whispered sweetly
felt in the spirit, somehow you hear it
from afar, I'm drawn by your tease
though you abuse, you're still my muse
some wounds never heal completely
first time since birth, I know my worth
cured myself of self-love diseases
with love I speak, I hold my own leash
Untouchable, you never will hurt me
I try to discuss, I don't tell you enough
how much I appreciate your beauty
it seems so absurd, with how often you've heard
"Oh Honey you're simply amazing!"
some fragments remain, now I must retrain
I'm a King, though you see right through me
some interior mess impedes my progress
my Self is difficult in the breaking
you really are the most brilliant of stars
though you are lost in the sun daily
no hurt when you're happy, joy that you're laughing
I am nailed to a cross of my own making
I feel so I live, my broken smile I give
Untouchable, so please, will you touch me?

Virtuous Love

Virtuous Love
Do not go for looks my friend, they pass like beautiful Spring
when looking for love, your eyes can’t see a thing
if you go for money, understand what is bought
and know a passing want from what is forever sought
easy come is easy go, you must know your worth
if you can put a price on love, tell me, what’s the value of Earth?
if you choose the warrior’s path of honor and sacrifice
remember, the price is often high, a noble but lonely life
One is a soldier, while the other is the good husband or wife
if they are seduced by endeavors of the mind, and you, sexy intellect
you will often be left bereft, their first love left you second best
love the work, and learn to know the meaning of respect
time can thieve the brightest mind, and simple replaces complex
if you pursue a heart that’s true, the kind that lasts awhile
then you will know the value, my friend, of a daily smile
you can’t replace a smiling face to get you through life’s trials
if you can find the right kind, all these virtues that are classy
make your bet, you wont regret a life spent together laughing
in the end, what matters my friend, is that love makes you happy

Fighting For Peace

Fighting For Peace
For all on every side who fight against peace
hear this please
captains of industry and their paid-for media proselytizing
filling you and me with consumerism philosophising
creating a scare of the people to whom they sell
so everyday families hide in a locked-home hell
so people only feel safe in a bleached out incarceration
or an oversexed, undereducated, criminal unliberation
when there is no difference between shooter and shot
and every single person believes justice can’t be bought
when representation is truly a tool of democracy
and politics is not just a monetary theocracy
when neighbors are all brothers, sisters and friends
when fear of each other ends, and love of each other wins
and the fact we bear arms is the reason for the need
and injustice for one makes the whole system bleed
we act like shopkeepers and Mother Earth is the store
selling her bounty, and pimping her like a whore
and then smugly pretend that nothing can happen
while Nature reminds us of our terrestrial entrapment
even those who would fight through the lies
have part-time solutions and have to protest in disguise
a few of the giants stand tall, work hard, and have reason for pride
while all of the masses let them handle it, and shamefully sigh
relinquishing their power for false convenience
angrily screaming about the divide in between us
so to all the world’s leaders and citizens, fighting for peace
hear our pleas


I Want To

I Want To
I want to share moments with you
starting over so the old can become new
show me why
pretend I’m blind
I want to help each other up, life inhaled
turbocharged joy, fear of failure, strangled
show me why
seduce my mind
I want to make meals with you, and laugh while we eat it
and hold those memories of laughter when solace is needed
show me why
reply in kind
I want to hold your hand while we walk in the park
and feel the touch of your lips under the stars
show me why
your eyes shine
I want to wake up and feel the caress of your eyes
and take comfort knowing between us there’s no lies
show me why
our souls entwine
I want to break out of this loving daydream
because Lover, ain’t nothin’ like the real thing
show me why
I feel sublime
I want to share a life, help carry you through the trials
and be there to bask in all of your smiles
I’ve told you why
I would call you “mine”
you don’t have to tell the world
but in this oyster, you’re my precious pearl
break the rules, rebel, be more
and tell me why
you would call me “yours”

My Heart Bleeds Tears

When I was young, I would cry when faced with my fears
it was the only way I knew to express the pain
sad, hurt, or frightened, it all felt the same
to deal with it, to show my hurt, my eyes would bleed tears

———– *————————————————————

then I was teen aged, and very few things in life were clear
don’t show your feelings, you’ll get beat, it means you’re weak
you’ll get taken advantage of, with your penis you must speak
Then I learned how to keep bruises from making me bleed tears


I grew up a bit, and thought courage meant Fighting my fears
I learned to be afraid, not of pain, but of the love inside I felt
unsure, uncertain, loving someone I didn’t know, it was hell
every night I knew, it was my heart, not my eyes, that bled tears


Betrayal was next, all that claims to be good, and true, is not what it appears
false friends, fake tests, their fears, “do something young man!”
truth withheld, divided I fell, on claims of honor they tried to stand
despite the flaws, and the cause, duty upheld, now my eyes bleed dry tears


I lost myself, for someone else, now a worldly mind, and passage of years
Corruption, suffering, and inequality punctuate the societies of our life
emotions are strength, a blessing, and what gets us through all the strife
I can feel so I live, my crooked smile I give, while my heart bleeds its tears

No Regret


I hate Cancer. It seems a simple statement, but I have many reasons. For the lives it takes, both directly, and indirectly, for the time spent, and the intonations on our modern life. But most of all, I hate cancer because it took my mother. Not the first time, the first time she beat it. She won, went to the winners circle. It wasn’t an easy victory, cost her a breast, and a lot of time, pain, and suffering, but she beat it. Or so we thought.

I had a broken heel. I had fallen, and broke it. My mother got diagnosed with cancer. i started being able to walk and drive just in the nick of time, as her chemotherapy was beating her down. she had been driving me to college, because of my heel, and then we traded jobs, and I drove my mom to her chemo. Every day we did this, monday through friday, my job was to drive to school, get done with it, and drive her to her chemo appointments when she had them weekly, and anywhere else she needed to be. I finished my degree this way, the last class I needed took me almost a year to complete, and with another school taking me for 1 quarter, and a lot of help from my instructors, I finished it on crutches. My mother got through her chemotherapy with total remission. I had even stolen, yes stolen, a computer game from my work for my mother. Bejeweled. If anyone knows the game, they may have heard that the 2nd version and each after had an “endless” option, strictly because of the number of chemo patients that enjoyed the game so much. I did put the $9.99 (a ten-spot really) in my till on my next paycheck, but I doubt anyone noticed. She loved that game, and I still remember the time I forgot to stop playing in time, and I beat her high score. We had all kept from saving any game that had a higher score, so she was always at the top of the list. I beat it, and I have never felt so terrible for doing well at anything in my life. I never want the high score again, it lost its meaning for me, in any video game. But, my mother made it, she fought, and in round 3 of her chemotherapy, she won. She fought and won. We didn’t know about the rematch.

I had started a new job. My sister had got married, and my mother was able to spend time with her grandson, all dreams of hers to live. She got to do them. She always wanted me to be married, but that wasn’t her dream, it was mine, and she never knew about what I looked for in love, and, quite factually, was the worst matchmaker for me. but she always tried. Though, I wish she would have stayed out of that part of my life, her meddling has had some very long reaching consequences. My first love has always been the truth. My mother never understood that very well. I digress, she was a very loving and caring person, and almost, just almost, a stifling mother. She had her own physical recovery program, she cleaned the 2 horse stalls, and did the daily work of caring and cleaning a 2200 square foot home, and the 5 acres surrounding it. There were chickens, and of course, horses, one of her lifelong loves. Then, as summer neared its end, she began to have backaches, small at first, we thought she was overdoing it on the stall cleaning, which was likely partly true, but that was not all. there was a monster lurking, and it was lurking in her bones.

The technical details are less important to know, but my mother’s breast cancer had metastasized to her bones. Bone lesions were the cause of her back pain. her vertebrae were ulcerous. The pain must have been terrible, yet she always wore that smile. I was working in Seattle, at an escrow firm that had a family friend as an employee, and I had hoped to continue my plan of finishing my hard science degree, with the computer science minor, with the idea of doing simulations and modeling. Seattle University at the time was one of the few schools that had that kind of program, at least nearby. My sister was doing well at her government career, and her husband, bless him, was doing well also. My brother was having all sorts of adventures, as he is prone to do. He still is, and likely always will. It was not what she had always wanted, but she had a grandchild, her only daughter was happily married and had a great career, her oldest son was doing what he wanted, her husband still had a successful business, and I, I was doing something, something she could understand. And then, we got the news, this was likely to take her life. It struck our family hard, she had always been the glue in our family, the person who held it together. We rallied. I got half days at work, my sister and her husband got time off, my brother and my dad were working together at the construction business and so had schedule flexibility, and we took care of her. At the home we had all helped build, that she had done most of the design of, and she had always said she wanted to live out her life in. We got hospice care to help, the chemo wasn’t doing well. We got painkillers, she hurt. We had one last Christmas, her favorite holiday, in her home, as a family. And then the countdown began. She deteriorated fast after that, going from cheery and active, to slow, sleepy, and soon bedridden. Always, she smiled, and had a laugh, even when she could hardly talk. By the end of January, her birthday, she was almost gone. We were all there, when the night came, i woke up from a dead sleep, so did my brother, and dad. My sister we got out of the shower, and even my Brother-in-arms (better than in law, the law has no strength like the bonds between those who have shared what we have) was aware of it; she was dying, RIGHT NOW. We gathered, we all stood at her bedside, and we touched her, told her we loved her, i rubbed her feet, and then, she was gone. We heard her breathe her last breath, and in that moment, her body died. I remember the exact moment, because i looked at the clock, twice. 8:32 pm. We even had a 3-legged black lab that went out to sleep outside, a week before, as was his custom, and mysteriously died, and thank you to my sister’s husband for burying him when none of us had the strength.

I didn’t recover mentally very quickly, none of us did. i lost my job. My sister took on her sadness in her usual custom, she screamed at the wind, went on 2 3-day walks, and raised money for cancer research. My brother took it better, but he changed his life too. My dad lost his company, for many reasons, and it took him much longer to recover, and still is in some ways. I, I have not finished, I know too much now, I will never recover. That is a good thing, as I am changed, the family secrets, the secrets of my mother, father, even my sister and brother. The lies are not as strong as the family ties. For me, the recovery is, and must be, different. there is no drug for my issues, there is no pill, no therapy, no counseling for me. This is the price I pay, for whom I be. But, I will always remember, my mother, the lovely lady, the mother hen, the mother bear. She was there to fight, to lie, to protect her children. She believed in family above all else. She believed in Love. That was her final gift to me.

Thank you Mom, you gave me something else to believe. When too few do, I will always love the truth. And I believe, just like you, that Love is true.

P.S. – because of some fallout from this post, I am clarifying some details. I took a game with a retail price of $9.99. Upon my next check, I bought 3 games of the same price, at employee discount price, which was $3.33. I then paid $20.00. for anyone else who wishes to call me a thief, all I can say is this: I have stolen, but I am not a thief. This posting has as much to do with emotional trauma causing a lapse in judgement, as well as other issues. I stole, and I repaid. I also later bought more games, and had a discussion about it with my manager. This post isn’t a complete dissertation on my lapse of judgement regarding stealing. It is about my mother’s cancer. Any employers who read this, stop making analysis of written material your raison d’ete. My manager and employer at the time kept me on for another 6 months, with no reprisals. I left only after I had another job, and had given 30 days notice. I skimmed over the details because this posting isn’t about that. Thank you all for reminding me how disgusting corporate greed can be, and for reminding me that when you have an employer who cares, there is a huge difference from those who don’t. SMH… AB

Sleep Sweetly, Without Me

Make no mistake, I am nice, but not your friend

No animosity, but that’s where I end

with an artist, not breaking, just bent

in spanglish, with artist, time spent

I can hear, see, and feel you, and all the content

I am sorry, the misunderstanding, but honest I am

Betrayal is funny, and yes, yes you CAN

I am a grown up child, in the fields of the Lord I play

my ideas are for everyone, but money gets my formulae

shared ideas in a manner most brief

only the beginning, yet everyday I speak

an embrace from a mind that encompasses the world

yet so human I pine for that one girl

but honor, it binds me, I will not lie

words got me tangled, but in truth I reside

with all that goes on, I deserve the front page

set boundaries on games, this life is the stage

Love is a weapon, and Love is a friend

and thanks my Love, but now the words end…

Fair Warning

When borrowing, be careful what you do

With that lent by the man who’s blue

the gift of rhyme

you know is mine

given, to share time

You would dare to stand above

whilst I am held back by Love

Do your job, keep your eyes peeled

Life’s cherry, without the pit, for ne’er steeled

keep Love protected, when out in the field

when you reached out to touch me

you left no quarter in which to flee

My love is encompassing, don’t be mistaken

This is a warning, real, and blatant

Nothing to hide, a face most graven

set in motion, my insurance is churning

no place to hide, with the whole world burning

Do your duty, to self,  to God and to country

on the same side, if hurt, on your Honor, we’re hunting

The world needs help, I have things to do

if I must do them alone, keep Love with you

these cracks in my heart will let light through

do all you must, and keep Love from harm

whilst I go around, and grant my charm

and though my actions may seem drastic

I got the attention of the Power on the Atlantic

hope and pray they listen to Mr. Fantastic

those that know find it hard to believe

those that don’t, wonder what’s up my sleeve

The sunny disposition I had to eschew

to get them to listen to the man who is Blue

The Hammer is a shield, and you know what to do

Do not waste the time that is reluctantly given

or doubt the motives of a man who is driven

here to proclaim, this is Not, the only life

fishers of men, you got, and took a bite

Elegant and brief, this Time I got right

for all to see, open and free, I’ve given the sign

and maybe, just maybe, forsaken the Love that was mine

if this is my fate, the destiny for which I am chosen

in the vastness of space, time and hearts can get frozen

remember the hidden heart and soul, the Cosmic Watchman

and the dusty rose for your hair

because stars are born there

Why go silent, when you have so much to say

I am Okay participating in all sorts of play

when escalated, it will happen My Way

not just for me, the future and choice I concede

but I will be damned if, for me, that choice isn’t to be free

In love with Love

I climb this hill, and sometimes stumble
a servant of Love, a struggle, but undaunted
awesome cosmic power, but human, and humble
my Ego takes over, when I am taunted
it’s a weakness, the child within
not the giant, with all that is flaunted
I will keep calm, this love will stay hidden
flawless, the imperfections all wanted
with you, forever, I am foolishly smitten

Blog at

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: